HUMOUROUS ONE LINERS ABOUT SIZE AND FAT

Why is it that fat people are more jolly and laugh more ?

Is it that we possess an ability to enjoy ourselves as we are, free from the hang-ups that thin people have about eating what they actually enjoy, instead of what will keep them thin ?

Below is a collection of fat related humourous quotes and one-liners, for fat & thin alike to laugh at . If you have a favourite quote, or one liner, that's not too vulgar or crude, send it to humour[at]plussizeclothing.co.uk - replace [at] with @

"He/She's so fat " one liners { Quotes are on this page }

He's so fat that : -

The back of his neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.

I had to take a train and two buses just to get on his good side.

When he "hauls ass" he has to make two trips.

They had to grease a door frame and hold a crunchie on the other side to get him through .

Instead of Levi's 501s he wears Levi's 1002s.

When he was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave him 15 years to live

He puts salad cream on aspirin

His belt size is "Equator"

His cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

When God said "Let there be light" he meant him to shift his belly out of the way.

When he goes to the zoo the elephants throw HIM peanuts.

His university graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

His driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."

He can't even jump to a conclusion.

His wife has to iron his trousers on the driveway.

The shadow of his belly weighs 10 stones.

When his pager goes off people think it's because he's backing up.

When he goes into a restaurant, he looks at the menu and says "okay!"

When he bungee jumps, he brings down the bridge too

She's so fat : -

When she wears a black raincoat, people shout "Taxi!"

She put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

When she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

When she steps on a talking weigh-scale, it says "one at a time, please"

When she lay on the beach sunbathing, Greenpeace tried to push her back in the water

When she weighs herself the scale says "To be continued..."

When she sits on a Pound coin, blood rushes out off the Queen's nose!

She was born with a silver shovel in her mouth!

When she walks in front of the T.V. you miss out on 3 commercials!

BT gave her two area codes!

People jog around her for exercise!

When she fell and cut herself, gravy poured out

When she ran out into the road in front of me, I tried to swerve round, but ran out of petrol